Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
