I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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