we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
