I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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