I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
