So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Found your dick twin last night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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