I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
