Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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