Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
