I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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