just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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