so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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