No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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