Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
look no pants
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
