Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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