hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
