If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
