Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
