i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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