i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
