Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
