ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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