toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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