Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
