RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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