A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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