Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
