I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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