Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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