Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
