didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
