I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
