Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
