All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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