Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
