Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
