when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
