The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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