how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
