My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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