U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
