I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
