why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
