I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
