respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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