I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
