no, he came in my armpit
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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