You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
