I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
