Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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