He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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