I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
