why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
