I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
