i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
