Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
