You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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