I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
