i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
