she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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