the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
